“Please exit through the rear doors.”
Now, this is an example of clear instructions. It’s short, to the point, and can’t be misunderstood, right?
Right?
Let me bring you on a journey. The protagonist? Me. The setting? A NYC bus. The occasion? My first trip to the Big Apple. As I’m adept at getting around Boston, naturally I assumed NYC would be a breeze. I imagined it as kind of Boston, But Bigger.
But back to the bus…
This was my third time on the bus, having already been on it twice before. The first time, it stopped at my stop, so I made the logical assumption that this would always be the case. Why wouldn’t a bus stop at the next listed stop?
The second time, as the bus sped right past my stop, my jaw was inches from the floor until I finally realized I had to do something and pulled the stop cord so violently I’m surprised it didn’t snap.
But this time?
Oh, I was prepared.
As I got on the bus with Joey, we went over our plan to not miss our stop. He designated himself the Backup Cord Puller should I fail in my assigned duties. I watched the display screen intently, with my hand hovering right below the cord, determined to pull it and get my stop this time. Nothing was going to stand between me and my bus stop.
As the bus approached my destination, I pulled on the lifeline, and the bus slowed to a stop at the correct location.
Hooray! Success!
As I rose to exit, I heard the automated message:
“Please exit through the rear doors.”
I dutifully made my way to the rear doors with Joey right on my heels, but nothing happened.
They didn’t open!
As Joey’s eyes widened, I whispered, “Don’t worry, I’m sure we can get out the front door,” and turned to go there.
As we approached the front, a sign lit up saying, again, to exit through the rear.
At this exact moment, the automated message played again.
“Please exit through the rear doors.”
Apparently the full busload of passengers needed to know that I couldn’t follow directions.
I spun and speed-walked back to the rear doors.
They still didn’t open.
Frantic, I whirled around again. I was halfway to the front when I heard the rear doors open.
I abandoned all dignity and ran.
I jumped out before the bus could give up and leave. Joey followed me off, eyeing me with something that looked like a not-so-well-hidden eye roll.
“Mom, it said to exit through the rear doors. You just had to wait a second.”
I watched the bus as it drove away, taking my dignity with it.
