While we’re at it, I want to have a conversation about eyes. Specifically, I want to talk about eyesight, and reading, and the loss of my pride – not necessarily in that order.
Everyone knows you lose your close-up vision as you age. But for people like me who are already nearsighted, that brings some unique dilemmas. I already wear glasses for distance, so for a few years this seemed to stave off the loss of my reading vision. (Source: my eye doctor. Sorry, I don’t have a link to the conversation we had in the office that day. TL;DR: Trust me.)
I was pretty arrogant about not needing reading glasses for those blessed few years when it seemed like everyone my age was getting them. I internally high-fived myself every time I saw a peer needing them, as though my eyesight – something over which I have zero control – was something to congratulate myself about. But pride goes before the fall, as they say, and suddenly I found myself closing one eye to read. And then, I had to take my glasses off to read up close. This wasn’t a huge inconvenience until I realized I couldn’t see my phone screen anymore while wearing my glasses or contacts. And now the computer screen at work is looking … Funny.
Great.
“Just get bifocals!” I can hear you saying. What’s the issue, right? Well, we tried the precursor to bifocals. They called it having a “boost” in the lower lenses. I spent that entire week at work feeling like I was seasick and vomiting periodically. I stubbornly pushed through five whole days mostly because as much as I didn’t want bifocals – or the precursor to them – I also refused to admit that something that supposedly worked for “everyone who tries it” was a woeful failure with my eyes.
I was no longer congratulating my eyes for anything.
Remember that whole pride goes before the fall thing? Yeah, so I can’t ever wear bifocals. I’ll have to put readers on over my regular glasses and look ridiculous. This is, quite literally, my only workable option.
But it gets better.
Sunglasses. I’ve always put my contacts in for trips to the beach, amusement parks, and concerts so I could wear my sunglasses. I went through two entire summers before I was willing to admit that I couldn’t see up close with my contacts in. I actually traded in two cellphones because “all my pictures are blurry” before it dawned on me that it wasn’t the phone screen that was blurry. I simply can’t read with contacts in anymore, so I can’t wear normal sunglasses over contacts. This also eliminates glasses that turn into sunglasses, for the same reason.
So I am now the woman walking around with those huge sunglasses that fit over glasses. Let’s just call them Orthopedic Sunglasses. It fits, doesn’t it? You can still see the glasses through them, so that really completes the effect. I think the only option for me at this point would be to lean into it, and make my orthopedic sunglasses as flashy and loud as possible, as though to declare to the world that I not only don’t care, but I’m flaunting my multiple pairs of eye gear.
Add that to the orthopedic inserts for my heels losing their fat pads, and I’m a walking compilation of orthopedic wizardry. Think Bionic Woman – only older, and much less cool.