The Tummy Jigglers Were On To Something

“The fat pad in your heel is dissolving with age.”

File this under Sentences I Never Thought I’d Hear. The fat pad is … It’s what?? This was not a thing I ever knew could happen. And I’m just as surprised as I am irritated by this fact. Congratulations, you’re now old enough to lose the fat in your feet. 

But not anywhere else? Who makes these rules? Could we maybe look at the fat on my hips? I just want to know what exactly is the mechanism that would cause the fat on my feet to dissolve, and then I want to call some researchers and ask why no one – not a single person – has thought about applying this same mechanism to the fat in a more unwanted location on the body. I can’t actually be the first person to have thought about this … right?

So it hurts – a lot – during and after I take walks. Most of the reason is a bad stroke of luck in the aging process, apparently. But part of it is weight, as I’m learning. I think it’s super fun that the activity I use to help with excess weight has helped cause an injury that makes it hard to do said activity … because of excess weight. 

This is also not funny, universe et al. 

But I think I’m most upset because I don’t feel old. In many ways, I’ve just started living my life again these past few years, and my heart is picking up right where I left off. Unfortunately for me (and the fat pads on my heels) my body has kept track of every passing year, and it’s right here to remind me when I dare to forget. 

Tonight I should research orthopedic inserts for my shoes. 

But I think I’ll spend some time researching how to make those other fat deposits dissolve with age. If it can happen in one place, it can happen in another, right? My train of thought is going something like this: if the fat is dissolving on my heels, which are subject to a lot of repeated movement, then maybe the mechanism of action that is causing the fat to dissolve is just the bouncing of constant walking. If we follow this thought through to its logical conclusion, then those tummy-jigglers that women used at the gym in the 80’s might have actually been the key!

Stop killing yourself at the gym and just get a tummy-jiggler.

You’re welcome, fellow perimenopausal women.