Why have I created my own word to describe this phase of life? First of all, because I can. More importantly, this time of a woman’s life is not just a few years with a couple of passing inconveniences, like we all thought it would be. Honestly, I left my middle school health classes armed with the knowledge that menopause meant a few hot flashes, followed by the end of my cycles. We truly believed this, and I know this to be true because many days my friends and I discuss our utter shock at what is actually happening. We were all unprepared because the topic was never discussed or delved into other than a passing reference to feeling extra warm maybe once or twice on some day far in the future. It sounded easy and quick.
This should have been my first clue.
Imagine my surprise when I hit 40ish and … things … started to happen. These were strange things, odd occurrences, and I started hearing this word that I had never heard before: perimenopause. At first I thought I was mishearing, because where exactly did that word come from? And why were people of rather qualified medical backgrounds starting to use it in context with me?
I did some research and was stunned. This was never talked about. We didn’t learn it in school. For reasons I will never understand, the older women in our lives were tight-lipped to a single one on the matter, hence the “Hey Mom, I have a question …” in the logo. Yes, I have a question for you Mom, Nana, Auntie – why didn’t you tell me any of this? Was it a secret? Did we have to solve the puzzle before we could achieve the hidden knowledge? I could go on for awhile listing all the various things that are involved with perimenopause, but I can sum it up with “What the fresh hell is this?” uttered daily for, apparently, years.
But there’s so much more than just the physical aspects of this phase of life. Maybe we did have to solve the puzzle—but what exactly is the puzzle? I wish I knew, but I think it might be time. It might be the height of cliche to say that the days are long but the years are short, but it’s also true. This morning I looked at my “On This Day” posts, and one from about 15 years ago detailed how I took my Christmas tree down to stop one of my toddlers from breaking and hiding all the ornaments, and the other one from wearing the tree skirt as a cape. I walked out into my living room this morning, sat down in front of my still-perfect tree with all ornaments safely on the branches – mostly, as I do have a dog – and had to just breathe when I realized how much time has really passed. And while I’ve been running from school events to after-school concerts, picking up sick kids, transporting them to clubs and appointments—and somehow also managing to work… my babies have grown up.
No one told us this, either. No one told us how to hold onto a part of yourself that has gone by, and lives now only in pictures and sweet memories.
I’ve been “Mommy” for so long that sometimes, it feels like I’m meeting myself again for the first time. I’ll always be Mom, but that Mommy phase of my life has definitely … paused. And it fits in perfectly with the things I’m feeling as my body changes to get ready for another pause. It’s both beautiful and sad, and sometimes not so fun. But it sure beats the alternative.
Welcome to Momipause.